April 21: Can I Get an Aspirin?

 

 Can I Get an Aspirin?
           by Tom King

Now I've got a headache; it's been coming awhile.
Add to that my galloping arthritis,
I inherited it from Mama's side.
Along with allergies and dermatitis.

Oh, I've got ailments aplenty to talk over with friends,
Relatives, or loved ones who answer their phoneses.
As I age, I collect more aches and more pains.
Helps me keep up with the elderly Joneses. 

I hate talking about medical conditions,
But when we chat with folks our same ages
It takes 20 minutes to cover our surgeries,
And describe our failing kidney's last stages.

I miss the days when I used to discuss,
Hobbies, sports, next summer's vacations.
Instead, we obsess about anesthesia.
And the side effects of our medications.

Right now, I'd like to talk about boats,
Fishing, carburetors, movie ratings.
Anything but the last thing my doctor told me,
Or that I'm steadily deteriorating.

© 2022 by Tom King

The Hobbler

The Hobbler

There was an old man from Puyallup,
Whose knees would no longer gallop.
In the sun and the drizzle
He hobbles fo' shizzle
With a cane and pain-killers - a dollop.

© 2018 by Tom King

Old Age Signs

(with apologies to Robert Burns)

I’ve left my glasses in the car,
I think I’ve lost my mind
I’ve wandered onto the patio
And left my brain behind.

Chorus: 
They’re old age signs, my friend
It’s old age signs
Those signs the kids are looking for
Before they ship off your behind.

I drive with my turn signals on
Don’t know where I parked my car
If I meet you someplace new then I
May not know who you are.

Chorus:

 I like my oatmeal every day
I shower each - week no more.
It’s too danged hard reach the soap
If I drop it on the floor.

Chorus: 

TV shows are “MY” programs
There’s a Clapper on every light.
When TV audiences applaud
My house goes black as night

Chorus: 

I know I came in here for something
I can’t remember what.
But there’s a fire extinguisher in my hand
And the room is kind of hot.

Chorus:

The kids will all be meeting soon
Down at the old I-Hop
To try and figure out just what
To do with their old Pop

Chorus:

I plan to live long enough to be
A living old guy joke,
And to spend the last dime that I've got
On whatever made me croak.

Chorus:

I’ve decided I’ll not wait around
To be shipped to a nursing home.
I’m selling their inheritance
Gonna run away from home.

Chours 2: 
Gonna run away from home my friends
And take my bestest girl
We’re headed off to Florida
To visit Disney world

(c) 2013 by Tom King