My Grandpa Vlad

When you get curious about your kin,

   And climb up in your family tree,

You just might find a nut or two,

   A king or a duke or three,

One rainy afternoon I logged onto

   The site of Mormon genealogy.

It didn’t take long before I found

   Kin I only knew from archaeology.

Old King Cole I found among

   The family’s distant upper branches.

Grandpas who lived in castles, some in huts,

   Grandmas in teepees; and some on ranches.

I found St. Arnulf a bonafide patron saint

   When he was dead he proved quite clear

His sainthood by producing for his flock

   A miraculous bottomless keg of beer.

There’s Boadicea the warrior queen,

   And a knight named Halfdan the Old

Grandpa Chuck “The Hammer of the Moors,”

   And Welsh King Conan the Bold.

But when you shake the family tree,

    You sometimes find a jewel,

I shook loose a Moldavian Count

     His name was Vlad Dracul.

     

Yep great grandpa he was Dracula,

    The Impaler. Used to slaughter dozens.

Kind of a shock at first, but then again

   It might explain some distant cousins.

Think I’ll take a break for now,

    From ancestors and searching them out.

So far tonight as I shake the tree,

    Rotten apples keep falling out.

© 2018 by Tom King