April 22 - There Was an Old Heifer

There Was an Old Heifer


There Was an Old Heifer from Worcester*
Who casually sat on a rorcester
The chickens all squawked
To lay eggs they all balked
The old boy was the hen's morale borcester.

* pronounced "wooster"
© 2020 by Tom King

April 13 - The Dancing Pirate (a tragical limerick)

The Dancing Pirate (a tragical limerick)

A Pirate who came from Penzance
By a lady was invited to dance.
So he stomped out a jig,
Crushed her foot with his peg.
And ruined his chance for romance.

©  2020 by Tom King

Zombie Piano Player - A Limerick

The Zombie Piano Player

There once was a conspiracy theorist,
Who fell in love with a concert pianist,
But got it into her head
That he was already dead.
Saw no future with a zombie. She's a realist.

Old Age Signs

(with apologies to Robert Burns)

I’ve left my glasses in the car,
I think I’ve lost my mind
I’ve wandered onto the patio
And left my brain behind.

Chorus: 
They’re old age signs, my friend
It’s old age signs
Those signs the kids are looking for
Before they ship off your behind.

I drive with my turn signals on
Don’t know where I parked my car
If I meet you someplace new then I
May not know who you are.

Chorus:

 I like my oatmeal every day
I shower each - week no more.
It’s too danged hard reach the soap
If I drop it on the floor.

Chorus: 

TV shows are “MY” programs
There’s a Clapper on every light.
When TV audiences applaud
My house goes black as night

Chorus: 

I know I came in here for something
I can’t remember what.
But there’s a fire extinguisher in my hand
And the room is kind of hot.

Chorus:

The kids will all be meeting soon
Down at the old I-Hop
To try and figure out just what
To do with their old Pop

Chorus:

I plan to live long enough to be
A living old guy joke,
And to spend the last dime that I've got
On whatever made me croak.

Chorus:

I’ve decided I’ll not wait around
To be shipped to a nursing home.
I’m selling their inheritance
Gonna run away from home.

Chours 2: 
Gonna run away from home my friends
And take my bestest girl
We’re headed off to Florida
To visit Disney world

(c) 2013 by Tom King