(with apologies to Robert Burns)
I think I’ve lost my mind
I’ve wandered onto the patio
And left my brain behind.
They’re old age signs, my friend
It’s old age signs
Those signs the kids are looking for
Before they ship off your behind.
I drive with my turn signals on
Don’t know where I parked my car
If I meet you someplace new then I
May not know who you are.
I like my oatmeal every day
I shower each - week no more.
It’s too danged hard reach the soap
If I drop it on the floor.
TV shows are “MY” programs
There’s a Clapper on every light.
When TV audiences applaud
My house goes black as night
I know I came in here for something
I can’t remember what.
But there’s a fire extinguisher in my hand
And the room is kind of hot.
The kids will all be meeting soon
Down at the old I-Hop
To try and figure out just what
To do with their old Pop
I plan to live long enough to be
A living old guy joke,
And to spend the last dime that I've got
On whatever made me croak.
I’ve decided I’ll not wait around
To be shipped to a nursing home.
I’m selling their inheritance
Gonna run away from home.
Gonna run away from home my friends
And take my bestest girl
We’re headed off to Florida
To visit Disney world
(c) 2013 by Tom King